The following poems have been written in the course of two years. I don't think they're in their final forms, but this is how they are now and I would like to share them. Please let me know what you think in the comments. I hope you like them.
“Stages
of Grieving”
This Is Not Denial
I can still see her
in my mind’s eye.
Her dainty silhouette
and silk raven hair.
I can still hear her
in my sweetest dreams.
Her soft caring voice
and cheerful laugh.
It’s as if she is
still with me
except our paths never
cross.
She is still here by
my side
just never within my
reach.
Memories that once
filled me with joy
are now subtly laced
with sorrow,
for what good is
remembering her smile
when I shall never see
it again.
I don’t know how I’m
going to go on
without her here to
catch me when I fall.
But I know I must.
She wouldn’t want it
any other way.
frustration
i’m waiting for the
pain to disappear
and for normalcy to
recommence
but i know things are
never going to be the same
missing you will never
get any easier
Missing You
I went to
look at the starry sky
hoping to
see you twinkling—smiling down at me.
But all I
found was a cloud filled night,
Cold,
empty of light,
empty of
you.
My dreams
are still infected with
Unfulfilled
promises—
unachieved
goals.
Broken
wishes I did not have the time to keep.
I have
run away from the world
to escape
the shadows in my heart.
In this
new barren place I’ve come to,
there are
no traces— no reminders,
and
you’ve become a figment of a memory.
Here
there are no singing yellow daffodils
And thus
I see no ghosts of you gardening them.
Here
there are no whistling tall trees
And thus
I have no desire to climb them with you.
No birds
flying high in the air.
(You used
to want to fly with them.)
No
butterflies hiding in the bushes.
(You used
to find them in their flowers.)
No songs
to hum softly in the night.
(You used
to fall asleep to them in my arms.)
Here, in
my new haven, there is nothing— nothing
because you
were my everything— everything
and now
that you’re gone
what is
there left for me?
Now I
only have the nights
Where I
find myself looking
Up to
where there should be a sky.
Where I still hope to see you
Twinkling
—smiling—
Smiling
for me.
Bittersweet
At first I thought it
was a blessing.
To dream of you,
to hear your voice.
to soak in the joy of
your smile.
It was comforting to
be with you
in the darkness
between days
since I can never
again
be with you
in waking hours.
But now, these dreams
hurt.
Tears have replaced
mirth.
I am no longer the
sure if the voice
I hear and think of as
yours
is yours at all.
Did your smile really
look like that?
I hope it did.
I hope I have not
forgotten.
Because
these memories my dreams corrupt
are all that I have
left.
And even if they
become nightmares
I will wait every
night to dream of you again.
Blunt Acceptance
My mother is dead.
She died on the first
day of Spring
almost two years ago.
Yes, I know you’re
sorry
for my loss, and you
know
how hard it can be
when you lose a loved
one.
Thanks.
But I know some part
of you thinks
that I should be “over
it” by now.
A year has passed –
almost two—
life goes on, I must
too.
I know it.
I think it.
It doesn’t change
anything.
My mother is dead.
Even if my dreams
refuse to believe it,
even if I still hear
her voice when I close my eyes,
even if I see her
smile in distant mirages.
Some mornings I lay in
bed,
paralyzed,
pretending that I am
still dreaming.
Why should I have to
wake up
when she never will?
I wish it were Spring.
This Winter has gone
on for too long.
I now know why she
waited so eagerly
for the snow to melt
away with its frozen nights
and for the first
crocus to bloom with sunnier days.
I’m ready to cry in
the sunshine.
Perhaps, when the
skies are blue
I’ll stop feeling so
gray,
so frozen.
I wish I were my
mother.
