Stages of Grieving

The following poems have been written in the course of two years. I don't think they're in their final forms, but this is how they are now and I would like to share them. Please let me know what you think in the comments. I hope you like them.

“Stages of Grieving”

This Is Not Denial

I can still see her

in my mind’s eye.

Her dainty silhouette

and silk raven hair.

I can still hear her

in my sweetest dreams.

Her soft caring voice

and cheerful laugh.

It’s as if she is still with me

except our paths never cross.

She is still here by my side

just never within my reach.

Memories that once filled me with joy

are now subtly laced with sorrow,

for what good is remembering her smile

when I shall never see it again.

I don’t know how I’m going to go on

without her here to catch me when I fall.

But I know I must.

She wouldn’t want it any other way.

  

frustration

i’m waiting for the pain to disappear

and for normalcy to recommence

but i know things are never going to be the same

missing you will never get any easier

  

Missing You

I went to look at the starry sky

hoping to see you twinkling—smiling down at me.

But all I found was a cloud filled night,

Cold, empty of light,

empty of you.

My dreams are still infected with

Unfulfilled promises—

unachieved goals.

Broken wishes I did not have the time to keep.

I have run away from the world

to escape the shadows in my heart.

In this new barren place I’ve come to,

there are no traces— no reminders,

and you’ve become a figment of a memory.

Here there are no singing yellow daffodils

And thus I see no ghosts of you gardening them.

Here there are no whistling tall trees

And thus I have no desire to climb them with you.

No birds flying high in the air.

(You used to want to fly with them.)

No butterflies hiding in the bushes.

(You used to find them in their flowers.)

No songs to hum softly in the night.

(You used to fall asleep to them in my arms.)

Here, in my new haven, there is nothing— nothing

because you were my everything— everything

and now that you’re gone

what is there left for me?

Now I only have the nights

Where I find myself looking

Up to where there should be a sky.

 Where I still hope to see you

Twinkling

—smiling—

Smiling for me.

Bittersweet

At first I thought it was a blessing.

To dream of you,

to hear your voice.

to soak in the joy of your smile.

It was comforting to be with you

in the darkness between days

since I can never again

 be with you

in waking hours.

But now, these dreams hurt.

Tears have replaced mirth.

I am no longer the sure if the voice

I hear and think of as yours

is yours at all.

Did your smile really look like that?

I hope it did.

I hope I have not forgotten.

Because

 these memories my dreams corrupt

are all that I have left.

And even if they become nightmares

I will wait every night to dream of you again.

Blunt Acceptance

My mother is dead.

She died on the first day of Spring

almost two years ago.

Yes, I know you’re sorry

for my loss, and you know

how hard it can be

when you lose a loved one.

Thanks.

But I know some part of you thinks

that I should be “over it” by now.

A year has passed – almost two—

life goes on, I must too.

I know it.

I think it.

It doesn’t change anything.

My mother is dead.

Even if my dreams refuse to believe it,

even if I still hear her voice when I close my eyes,

even if I see her smile in distant mirages.

Some mornings I lay in bed,

paralyzed,

pretending that I am still dreaming.

Why should I have to wake up

when she never will?

I wish it were Spring.

This Winter has gone on for too long.

I now know why she waited so eagerly

for the snow to melt away with its frozen nights 

and for the first crocus to bloom with sunnier days.

I’m ready to cry in the sunshine.

Perhaps, when the skies are blue

I’ll stop feeling so gray,

so frozen.

I wish I were my mother.

Story-making

Take my hand and we’ll go on an adventure.

Time to travel to a brand new dimension.

Pirates and cowboys and robots, oh my!

Hide in the shadows and play I spy.

Over the rainbow and under a troll bridge,

The portal to Narnia’s hidden in my fridge.

Let’s fight monsters and save the princess,

Like superheroes answering calls of distress.

Are you ready to go on an epic quest

To find a gold-filled treasure chest?

Dance at the Witches’ All Hallows Eve ball

And cast magic spells meant to enthrall.

We’ll battle dragons to prove our might,

Then explore the wonders of the night.

Discover a fairy world within every tree

And mermaid utopias underneath the sea.

That’s how it goes in storybooks,

Where nothing is quite what it looks.

The beautiful may be wicked hearted

But true lovers can never be parted.

Together we can be our own fairytale

Because if we believe, we will never fail.

You and I are the next legend

Our myth will be told until The End.

So, come with me and let’s go explore

this magic world, and be together evermore.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I've been working on this for three days :3 Hope you like it, I'm pretty happy with it. For once. xD

Just a quick post

I love looking through my notebooks. I always find little stanzas and phrases of things I started but never finished. Usually I stop them because I lose inspiration, but when I look back again I get new ideas. It's also really fun to wonder what I was thinking when I started writing them. I just found these:


I don't need anyone

to see me break down.

No one needs to watch

my tears flow to the ground.

~~~

Pleasure is a fickle mistress

sometimes she comes so easily

and delights you with her gifts

but other times she is so cold

~~~

Self Expression

That drop of yellow paint on the wall.

That streak of green on the sidewalk.

That sparkle floating in the air.

That is who I am.

The shadow lurking off screen.

The star twinkling in the sky covered by clouds.

The small daisy hidden in a bouquet of roses.

That is who I am.

A figment of your imagination.

A product of procreation.

A consequence of action.

That is who I am.

~~~

So yeah,  right now these aren't much. They're jewels in the rough, ideas that still need to be developed... but this is a good little sneak inside view as to how I think and write. I have small samples like these everywhere, and every once in a while I come across one and I get hit with inspiration. So I take these ideas and I play with them and sometimes what I come up with will be just a final version of the original and sometimes it is nothing like the initial work.

I wonder what these will turn into. I can't wait to find out. :)

Commentaries

Based on the Commentary poems by Suzanne Buffam

On Wind
When the air
decides
it's time to be free.

On Fire
Like passion,
it always dies
if it isn't fueled.

On Shoes
Touch the earth
and feel its worth
with every step
you take.


On Pencils
Best used to
write down your
soul.

On Windows
Remember,
the work both ways.

On Rivers
Down, never up,
always running away
Nature's furious coward.

On Shirts
This thin shield
protects

me from your preying eyes.


On Lies
Like sadness
they are always lingering
in the background.

On Mountains
They were created
out of an ancient disaster.
Calamaties aren't always bad.

On Sleep
Close your eyes
for 8 hours
and then open them again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
UPDATE:
Wrote these in my Creative Writing class :P We had to write poems fashioned after Suzanne Buffam's poems, the topics were suggested randomly during class. So they're my random little thoughts on these subjects... I really love Buffam's poetry though, I suggest you look her up. Also, that last one is something one of my friends says a lot.

Bliss

Bliss
by FE Dec.3 2010


Under a full moon,

On a lonely park bench,

Two lovers sit, side by side.

Tonight, there is only them.



He places his hand

On top of hers,

And she looks to him,

With eyes brighter than stars.



Her hand on his heart,

His hand on her thigh,

Their eyes never leaving the others.

Tonight, there is only them.



As they lean in closer,

All their worries are forgotten.

Lips meet lips,

And the rest is bliss.

Limericks

My creative writing homework for the weekend was to write limericks.Which meant I had to make rhymes. I do not like rhyming. Not one bit. But despite that, I ended up writing 2 limericks!! After I wrote the first one I ended up talking in rhymes for about five minutes! XD

Here's the first one:

There once was a girl with luscious curls.

Her hair caused envy in all the girls.

So in an act of scoff,

They cut it all off,

And left her with nothing but some whorls.

(whorls are strands of hair)

Here's the second one, these were my thoughts after I wrote the first one, I kid you not!

So I just wrote that damn limerick.

Now will someone please give me the heimlich.

I can barely breath,

For I cannot believe,

That I just wrote one more limerick!

Haikus and Tankas

Ok, so for my Creative writing homework I had to write a haiku (a traditional Japanese poem with 3 lines with the syllable sequence of 5-7-5) and then a tanka (a variation of the haiku but with 5 lines and the syllable sequence is 5-7-5-7-7) that responds to the haiku, then a haiku that responds to that tanka and so on. We had to do 3 of each. The idea is that there are two people having a conversation or writing notes to each other,but they were doing so in poem form. Since you know EVERYONE talks in the form of a haiku and/or tanka. *rolls eyes*

Well, anyways, these were the 6 poems I wrote. The two people are arguing about wheter cats or wolves are better. (<- an inside joke between my bff Jen and me. She's a wolf and I'm a cat) They were rather fun to write!

The clever kitten pounces
her prey is captured swiftly.
The fiercest creature.

The wise wolf awaits,
 he listens patiently
 for his prize to falter.
 The wolf sweeps in for the kill.
 He is the fiercest creature.

Soft fur, and bright eyes.
A graceful elegant form.
 A beast of beauty.

The cunning shadow,
of the wolf in the full moon.
His sleek, fearsome
figure inspires awe in all.
He is the most beautiful.

A friendly feline
purrs comforting harmonies.
 The kindest critter.

 The wolf, he is a
loyal companion, he will
 never leave a friend.
Faithful to the very end.
He is the kindest critter.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ PS go visit my mom's blog! she made a video of my past birthday cakes and they're very cool. My grandma, Vovo Lene, made most of them and they are works of art in cake form!

some quick short poems

Short, sweet,
and to the case.
That is the poetic phrase.
Jan 12 2007, by FE

Pale as an angel.
It hides among the clouds,
among it's brilliant friends.
2006-2007, by FE

A smile.
A hug.
And a promise.
They were friends
once again.
And they were
invincible.
Jan 19,2007,by FE

Tap,tap,tap...
Tapping all day.
Tapping all night.
Tap,tap,tap...
Goes the one, the only,
Tap Dancing Chicken!
Jan 19 2007, by FE

What is it?
What is it? I SAY!
Is it a Bugaaboo you see?
On it's little blue Bugaaboo tree?
WHAT IS IT? WHAT IS IT?
Oh, I know! It's a Bock!
Standing on a grandfather clock!
No? No, you say?
Well then...what is it?
Jan 19 2007, by FE
--------------------------------------------------------

Some short poems because it's late and I need some sleep. But I promised myself to try to write a post everyday. The first is just a tiny little poem. The second is about the moon (did you figure that out?). The third is just a small poem about the power of friendship. The fourth is well about a chicken that tap dances of course. For some reason chickens are fun to write about, they make everything funny. The last poem is my tribute to Dr.Seuss and Shel Silverstein. I don't think it's very good, but it's a start. (Jan 19 2007, must have been a very good day for me because I have a lot of poems written on that day, lol) Tomorrow I plan on posting a drawing and a poem. On Saturday, I'm going to post a short story I wrote the other day; it's called THE WOESOME TALE OF HORACE or The day a snail tricked some gods. It's silly but entertaining...I think...at least I hope it is entertaining...